things I made this Christmas

I like to create a few things for Christmas time to balance out everyone's and my own urge to consume. I didn't have to buy anything for these crafts except cute bags for the cookies and a box of crackers.

First off is baking: I made everyone in my family an individually wrapped, handful of ginger molasses cookies. They are just about the only cookie I can make well. I also tried a vegan version of "Christmas Crack" which is just sugar and butter (toffee) poured over saltine crackers with chocolate chips melted and smeared over the top. You can add whatever topping on the chocolate; I picked chopped pecans. It's pretty good but I'd have 2 layers of crackers or waffle shaped pretzels next time for more crunch.

Then I wanted to make Nick a quick stocking. I traced mine and learned how to put it together with the help of youtube, my sewing machine and material I had on hand. Complete with lining, a cuff and no raw edges! I was pretty pleased with the stocking because I don't have much experience with sewing construction and it worked! The embroidery was just a quick solution but at least Nick has a stocking now.

My Christmas card is not my favorite this year, but here it is anyway. I suppose I did have to purchase the printed cards for everyone but drawing it was free!

It was supposed to be a reboot/continuation of this one i did 2 years ago. The older version is way better!

And finally, I cut, glued and embroidered these tiny pennant banners for ornaments for some people in my family. They're good on the tree or all year round.

What did you create this Christmas?

in preparation for sunsets stretched

in the spirit of being contrary, i'm working on things that i normally wouldn't consider and making them okay to work on.

this is a concept sketch post for me and the final work will not be a photograph...though it probably will reference them. but here's where i'm starting: distorted fragments of photos Nick proclaimed as his "favorite sunset photos he's taken."

and there is no argument of their beauty! i'm only trying to think about bigger ideas behind the "sunset photo." *

a test sample of one approach. stitched on the back of an old reproduction painting i made in college.

yes, this will be challenging.

*i'll go more into ideas surrounding "sunset photos" later, but here's an editorial that touches upon my previous disinterest in them. 

all the greens

i'm stalling. but at least i'm pretending to make progress.

we were in a forest in costa rica right after it rained. green seemed to envelope us.
nick told me that humans see more shades (hues?) of green than any other color. i totally believe it. we began to think of all the "official" names of the color green we use. like "mint, sea foam, spring, sage, lime, olive, hunter etc." most are food related and there's lots.

but i tried look this up for scientific back up and if it isn't on a forum that's pretty dumb, then it's on wikipedia articles that are way too complex to be fun anymore.

so without being willing to find a trusted source or prove that's it's true, i just simply tell myself that it's an adaptation because, not only are we (or at least we were) surrounded by plants of all sorts, we had to figure out which was what in order to use them without dying. like for food or medicine. being able to differentiate between all the greens became a way to survive.

i suppose if we ate rocks, we'd be able to identify and cleverly name more colors of grey and brown.
yummy yummy rocks.

ANYHOW:
this is all me figuring out why in the world i'll care to spend so much time doing the next few projects i have in mind. it helps to remember that green is a pretty important and "loaded" color.

in preparation, i made another one of these color charts using most the blues, greens and yellows i own so i can see the variety i can get. turns out i don't have that many.

these charts are easy but require lots of brush and palette washing to keep colors pure. the results are useful though.

uncertainly starting

"Making art now means working in the face of uncertainly; it means living with doubt and contradiction, doing something no one much cares whether you do, and for which there may be neither audience or reward. Making the work you want to make means setting aside these doubts so that you may see clearly what you have done, and thereby see where to go next. Making the work you want to make means finding nourishment within the work itself." --from the opening chapter of Art and Fear by David Bayles and Ted Orland

i had a successful day of brainstorming not long ago. i felt energized and happy! all the ideas were happening! i was looking forward to trying out some of those ideas the next day...and i woke up paralyzed with doubt. tomorrow will be better (fingers crossed).

visit marc johns

a spring break

it's become inevitable that i need to take a short break from updates on my personal artwork. this is a difficult admission because i really feel proud that up until now, i've been able to have something to show for myself each week. it's been a real motivator to make noticeable progress.

1. i'm involved with teaching again, and though it's only a few hours a week...i'm making samples and ideas happen for these kids. there will be an update or two on it and its all closely related to my own processes, but my exemplars don't necessarily reflect what i want to post here for the next month or more.

2. the current personal projects i've got going are large and time consuming. it'd be boring and anti-climatic to post weekly progress since it's literally on an inch by inch basis...or not even visual art (oooo...cryptic!)

stay tuned for continued doyou haiku posts on wednesdays and i hope to be back in april with some new stuff to share.

words of 2014

wordle gave me "art" of my most commonly used words on this blog (and, of 2014 since most posts are from this year). it's a LOT of words with a decent balance of optimism and not. i doubt there's hidden meaning to any of it but in some ways it's helpful to see. 

"inner" and "critic" is a good summary of my year in general. 

also, i'll do my best to stop using "just" and "like" so often.

needs a good home: multiple diamonds

these are difficult to photograph, especially with not enough "clear space" at home.
in person they are really glowy and the imperfections of their angles make them organicky despite their inherent mathematics.

anyway, they are as non-committal as i am & they can be anything at this point. grown up building blocks---the insides are lego colors, which is also appropriate.

should they be this angle, that angle, all the angles! on the wall, in a circle, down low, holding white cotton candy (YES!), sewn together?....

i had them in a few rows on the wall & gradually they dropped off as the tape lost its stickiness. like autumn leaves and then laid there like weird snow on the ground. time lapse of that could be fun.

there's 32 of them, easily could be 30 or 31 for another type of calendar/time keeper.

comment if you have ideas; they can't stay like this. the cats are annoyed about losing surface area to stare at me from.

finished these at 3am in my Sudafed stupor this week

creative block: my inner cheerleader

time consuming art making processes get me worried and very insecure---a feast of feelings for my inner critic!

my main concerns turn into a flurry of negative self-talk:

• who's to say your idea will even be good and worth it? (inner critic says "this is stupid.")
• what about all the time, energy and resources? (inner critic says "you should have been doing something else better. what a waste.")
• how do i know when it's time to quit or just push through? (inner critic says "don't be a wimp.")
• who cares and who is this benefiting? (inner critic says "no one cares. it's worthless.")
• is this good enough? (inner critic says "no. you're an impostor. it'll never be right.")

art can bring levity sometimes. i mean, in the grand scheme of things, i know choosing the wrong color or paper isn't going to ruin anyone's life. but the Mind Blocks these insecurities create are no less real and serious. they extend into ALL aspects of my life, creative or otherwise. and why hide that? shame is just another way for our inner critics to win. i know that many of us struggle with the exact same abusive self-talk.

but what if our inner critics were kind, gentle and nurturing? sure, tough love is good for us on occasion...but my inner critic certainly does NOT love me. not even close. i would never, ever be friends with someone like that and i definitely wouldn't listen to what they had to say about me if it was always bad!

how am i handling this lately? slowly! (actually, today was bad, hence this post).

90% of my worries and negative thoughts are product driven. end results. bottom lines. that is NOT my goal (though a good end product with some $ attached would be a nice addition!)
my goal is the Present and working through it...slushing, trundling, falling, running and maybe sometimes soaring through it and feeling accomplished in the WORK of that. our future selves don't even exist, yet our inner critic compares us to them constantly. how is this fair?

lately, i'm forcing myself to say "just decide and do something. at least it's something!" and then just being okay with the "doing something" part and not it's yield. these somethings are very small and often mundane, and it's still VERY challenging for me. but that's okay! it's still practice toward taming my evil inner critic and helping her to become a kind inner cheerleader instead. we all need one of those; it's rough out there.

day 15

"Believe you can and you're halfway there." --Theodore Roosevelt

this week's focus is adding collage elements. only a slight change for today....trying this out "strategically." so what is it? a stylish, literary unicorn?

i also think i overdid the editing on this photo. it's not nearly that bright or blue in real life. i'm not that bright (or blue) in real life either.

by the way, this 30 day challenge is half way over! quick reflection on this: 

pros:

• it's been good to feel obligated to sit and finish at least 1 thing a day. 
• a few limitations really help me from becoming overwhelmed with options.
• get lots of small work done quickly.

cons:

• several aren't very good and they seem to be getting worse, so now i'll be happy if there will be 20 to be confident with.
• not sure anyone (including me) should care about this series. i don't really know what they are or what to do next. my inner critic is talking a little too loudly.
• it's not a good way to work if you're doing larger or more intricate stuff....i suppose that's a different challenge....
• i'm tending to get into a "well, i did my one for the day. guess i'm done!" mindset. this was NOT the intention. they were meant to be a warm up before working on other things.
• not being as experimental as i thought because i know they will be posted...so fear of failing is also seeping in. the result is they are getting stale. hopefully the collage ones will help make things interesting again.